In today’s culture, a pervasive belief threatens the foundation of many marriages: the notion that “God just wants me to be happy,” often interpreted as immediate personal gratification. This perspective shifts the focus of marriage from a covenant of mutual self-giving to a vehicle for individual fulfillment, undermining the true essence of marital commitment.
The Shift in Marital Expectations
Historically, marriage was viewed through the lenses of duty, obligation, and sacrifice. However, the psychological revolution of the late 1960s emphasized individual fulfillment and personal growth, redefining marital success as the attainment of subjective happiness through an intense emotional relationship with one’s spouse. This “soul-mate model” of marriage centers on personal satisfaction, often at the expense of enduring commitment.
The Lie’s Impact on Marital Stability
Embracing the belief that immediate happiness is paramount can lead to justifying actions like divorce, adultery, or abandonment when marital challenges arise. This mindset neglects the biblical call to self-denial and perseverance within marriage. Scripture encourages spouses to consider their partner’s needs above their own, fostering a love that mirrors Christ’s sacrificial love for the church.
The Biblical Call to Self-Denial
Jesus teaches that true life is found through self-denial: “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.” In marriage, this translates to prioritizing our spouse’s well-being, deferring immediate gratification for the sake of long-term joy and marital health. Such selflessness reflects Christ’s humility and service, setting a foundation for a resilient and fulfilling marriage.
Practical Steps to Foster Self-Denial in Marriage
(1) Embrace Servanthood
Approach your marriage with a servant’s heart, seeking ways to support and uplift your spouse daily.
(2) Prioritize Communication
Engage in open and honest conversations about expectations, desires, and challenges, fostering mutual understanding and empathy.
(3) Practice Patience and Forgiveness
Recognize that both partners are imperfect; extend grace and seek reconciliation when conflicts arise.
(4) Commit to Shared Growth
Pursue spiritual and personal growth together, encouraging each other in faith and character development.
Conclusion
Rejecting the lie that immediate personal happiness is the ultimate goal in marriage allows couples to build relationships grounded in self-denial, commitment, and Christlike love. By embracing these principles, marriages can experience deeper, more enduring joy that honors God and reflects His design for marital union