Marriage takes work. The honeymoon phase lasts a few months, and then things get real. You learn about each other’s habits and quirks in a much more intimate setting. As the years go on, you learn more and more about each other, both the good and the bad.
No one gets married thinking their marriage will eventually crumble. There are all kinds of reasons for this. It’s not always infidelity. People grow apart, have financial issues, inner family problems (stepkids), etc. There’s still hope for your marriage.
If you are wondering about some ways to save your marriage, steps 6-10 are listed below.
6. Learn and Reconnect with Each Other
You can always start over. Commit to each other to learn how to communicate, show each other love and affection, and simply enjoy being in each other’s company again. Once you have agreed to this commitment, share it with a trusted friend or family member so you have support and accountability on your path to fixing your relationship.
Make time each day to genuinely connect. Have a cup of coffee together in the morning. Go out for lunch together on the weekend. Go to bed a half hour earlier so you have time to talk before you go to sleep. It may not go perfectly, but at least you are trying.
7. Go to Therapy Together
A few decades ago, going to couples therapy meant that something was wrong. These days, it’s accepted as something you do to get the help you need. It’s seen as a strength rather than a weakness.
Going to couples therapy together is a sign that you’re willing to work on what is wrong to get it right. It’s a commitment to each other that you will talk things out and resolve your issues with each other. Having someone there to mediate and offer suggestions will make it easier to see each other’s point of view (even if you don’t agree) and find solutions to your issues.
One of the best things about therapy these days is you don’t have to go to the office if you don’t want to. There are all kinds of companies that specialize in therapy and connect you with a therapist in the comfort of your own home. You may have to try a few different therapists to find the right one for you as a couple. This is a normal part of the process. But once you do, you will be on the path to healing.
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8. Go to Therapy Alone
It may also be helpful to go to therapy alone to work on yourself as an individual. We all go through things and have experiences that affect us differently and shape who we become.
Talk with your therapist about the issues you bring to your marriage and see how you can resolve it. You can also talk about other experiences in your life and things that you struggle with as an individual, like depression, anxiety, perfectionism, etc.
If you are comfortable, it may be helpful to talk to your spouse about how you are learning to cope with said issue so they know you are putting in the work to help yourself as well. And vice versa.
9. Realize Neither of You Is Perfect
Remember that neither of you is perfect. When you first fall in love, everything about the other person seems perfect, and they can do no wrong. This isn’t the case for any person. We all have flaws we need to work on and things we can do better.
The concept of the “perfect” person is a fantasy that the entertainment industry has made up in movies and books. This is fine when you want to escape into some superb entertainment, but it falls flat in reality.
God is the only perfect being who can help two imperfect people heal and save their marriage.
10. Commit to Growing Together
Make a commitment to grow together. Go to therapy together and commit to doing the work. When your therapist makes suggestions, don’t brush them off. Give them some thought, talk them over, and act on them.
Read books about healing your marriage together. Listen to podcasts about marriage and relationships together. When you’re done, talk about what you read or heard and how you can apply it to your relationship.
The most important thing is to apply what you learn. Sit and have that conversation. Try an activity that will draw you closer. Practice actively listening to each other rather than only half listening to your partner. Whatever you need to do to help save your marriage, do it.
Marriage is one of the greatest events in a person’s life. A couple’s wedding day should be a time of happiness and celebration. Still, people need to keep in mind that marriage is a journey and not a destination. You will constantly learn about your partner, and neither of you will stay the same. People change and evolve over the years, in both good ways and bad. This is human nature.
Trials testing both partners afflict all marriages, and you may sometimes wonder if your marriage can be saved. As long as you involve God in your marriage, it’s never lost. Ask him to help guide you back to each other, and watch him restore your marriage.