I don’t know a single wife who doesn’t sometimes do things her husband doesn’t like. I hope I don’t sound too harsh today; I just know how easy it is to slip into a disrespectful attitude that morphs into ugly treatment of those we love most. I’m challenging all of us to set aside any of these things that are a common tendency in marriage. The first step is being aware of what you’re doing that might be driving your husband to frustration.
Here are five things you might be doing that your husband doesn’t like, and how to make it right between the two of you again.
1. He hates when you throw him under the bus in public. When you point out his faults, criticize or correct him, you make him feel like an idiot in front of others—and that’s demeaning. Don’t embarrass him in any way (especially in front of your children). Would you want him to do that to you?
A better solution: When he says something you know (or think you know) is wrong in public, rather than correct or chide him in front of everyone around you, let it go. It might be hard, but coming to him later and talking through the issue gives you a much better chance of changing his mind. He’ll appreciate that you didn’t correct him in front of everyone, and appreciate the effort you took to wait and talk about it later.
2. He hates when you remind him of his past failures. It’s something that was settled long ago (or maybe just last week), and you just can’t seem to let it go. We’ve all failed. Let go of things that have already been worked through and settled. If there are unresolved issues that were never dealt with biblically, don’t bring them up as a bully club, but take steps to graciously resolve them and move on! If there are certain things he has done in the past that you can’t just let go, talk through them. Find a time when you’re not fighting, sit down and ask if you can talk through the issue you’re seeing. If you’re struggling with productive conversation, counseling might be necessary.
3. He hates when you expect him to read your mind. Just tell him. Please just tell him. Don’t play those mind games where you’re thinking: “If he really loved me, he’d know that I want him to . . . (fill in the blank) and I wouldn’t have to tell him!” Your husband will be so grateful if you’ll ditch the mind-reading game and just have some honest and gracious communication.
4. He hates when you treat him like your child. Men know that they don’t think like we do. They know that it can be challenging to measure up to our expectations or desires. When they forget to close the lid on the toilet, it’s not because they want to irritate us. When they take the long route because they forgot the right exit, it’s not because they want to burn that extra gas. When we talk to our husbands in the same tone we would use with our children, it is disrespectful. Disrespectful. Period. And that’s a sin. If you know you’re quick to scold or roll your eyes when he makes a little mistake, ask God to give you eyes to see your sin and the patience and grace you need to hold your tongue.
5. He hates when you give him the silent treatment. Whenever you use the silent treatment to manipulate him, it harms both of you. The silent treatment is a hostile punishment tool. Don’t make things more difficult by clamming up or stuffing your anger. If you’re hurt or angry, first go to God and ask Him to search your heart to see if the anger is righteous, or if there is some offense that needs to be discussed. Talk it out with your husband. Be honest and humble in your communication and remember—he’s not your enemy!